


the elements of ethics

by trashbin



Category: Do No Harm
Genre: Implied/Referenced Drug Use, M/M, One-Sided Attraction, Star-crossed, Unrequited Crush, kind of
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-02
Updated: 2015-11-02
Packaged: 2018-04-29 15:04:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 6,425
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5131985
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/trashbin/pseuds/trashbin
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>beneficence: Ruben Marcado meets Jason Cole, the superstar neurosurgeon at Independence Memorial Hospital, and his life is never the same again.</p><p>maleficence: After a wild night on the town, Ian Price asks Ruben to make a deadly decision and what he offers in return is something that's almost too good to pass up.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. beneficence

**Author's Note:**

> Yes, I realize I'm writing for a show that was cancelled two years ago, but I'm here now so whatever. Let the record show that I never meant for this to happen. Let the record also show that I've written worse things.
> 
> This take place pre-series by the way. Technically, I guess this an AU if only because I'm pretending that Jason and Ruben meet for the first time at IMH.

Ruben Marcado had never been a fan of the complicated. He had his job, he had his mother and sisters, and he had Jamaica. The only things that should be complicated, as far as Ruben was concerned, were equations. He was perfectly content with the simple when it came to life.

So when life handed Ruben one Jason Cole wandering around his lab in the middle of the day, Ruben was less than impressed.

"…Hey," Dr. Cole said casually, like he wasn't interrupting Ruben's day.

Ruben gave the man a onceover and raised an eyebrow. "…Hi?" It wasn't the most amiable salutation, but Ruben had work to do and a lab to run, so sorry if he came off as impatient. "Can I help you?"

Dr. Cole looked like he had to think about that question unreasonably hard, as though this was a trick question with a multiple choice answer sheet sitting in front of him. It took everything in Ruben not to start tapping his foot because, superstar surgeon or not, this guy was currently wasting his time.

"Yeah," Jason finally stuttered out, scratching the back of his head, "I need the test results for a Ms. Gabrielle Utterson?"

"I sent someone up with those results ten minutes ago. You must've just missed them," Ruben answered with ease as he flipped through the paperwork in his hands. He turned on his toes to return to do his job – you know, the one he was _paid_ to do? "Now if you'll excuse me, I have work to do."

Ruben hadn't taken two steps when he felt a strong grip on his arm. His shoes squeaked in protest on the linoleum floor as he came to a sudden halt.

"Hey, wait. Can I ask you something first?"

This Dr. Cole was just determined to waste as much of Ruben's time today as possible, wasn't he? Unfortunately for him, Ruben wasn't in the mood to be yanked around. Today had already started with chasing down twenty escaped test subjects who, despite what their whiskers, tails, and beady eyes might suggest, were not all that fond of traps baited with cheese.

Ruben looked down at the pale hand gripped tight around his bicep and swatted at it with his clip board. "Hands off." Dr. Cole snatched his hand away and shook out the sharp sting in his knuckles. Ruben mustered up as much patience as his could and put on his best customer service voice, "Is there something else I can help you with today?"

Cole's eyes darted around the bustling lab. Henry and Edward were reviewing charts over by the centrifuge while Patricia was checking a patient's results at a table only a few feet away. Other techs were darting to and fro, buried deep in their work. Cole suddenly looked nervous. He tilted his chin and ducked down so his mouth was right next to Ruben's ear. His voice was low and husky. He smelled like stale coffee and iodine.

"Can we talk in private?"

Ruben swallowed.

Cole pulled away and stared at Ruben, reading his face for an answer. Ruben looked away and cleared his throat. "Y-yeah." God, why had his mouth gone dry all of a sudden? He cleared his throat again and stood up straighter. "Yeah. Sure."

The walk to his office was brisk and short and more than enough time for Ruben's brain to kick into overdrive. What could this possibly be about? He couldn't be in trouble, he had kept everything above the board since he'd been here. Was this about that sandwich he ate out of the fridge last week? It hadn't had a name on it! Plus, it was two in the morning and had been sitting in there since eight am. No one could prove a thing.

Ruben opened the door to his office and invited Dr. Cole inside. When Cole strolled in and locked the door behind him, Ruben's brain shifted gears and his train of thought jumped to another set of tracks. What if this wasn't work related, what if this was personal? The problem with that logic was that Ruben had never spoken to Cole outside of work. He didn't even know what the guy looked like in something other than a suit, lab coat, or scrubs.

Ruben huffed and crossed his arms. He was out of ideas. Time to wait for Cole to explain himself so they could both get back to work.

Cole hadn't said a word since they'd entered the office. He had opened his mouth as though he were going to say something, but clenched his jaw shut with a click instead and started pacing around the small office. On his third lap around the room, Ruben's patience had whittled down to practically nothing. Not that he had started out with all that much patience at the beginning of this conversation anyway.

"So are you just in here to burn off a few calories or are you actually going to say something? If not, I've got a lab to get back to –"

"No!" Cole's pacing stopped and he stared at Ruben with wide eyes. There was fear in his features and Ruben really didn't know why.

He paused, looking back at Cole in utter confusion. "Okay…" He leaned against his desk, arms still crossed. "Talk about overreacting…"

"No, it's just – wait. Hear me out for a second, okay?"

Ruben sighed. If Cole didn't look so panic-stricken right now – like a lab rat backed into a corner – he might have actually sent the doctor on his way. As things stood, however, Ruben merely gestured vaguely at Cole, "You have the floor, doc. Make it quick though."

Cole nodded curtly. "Right," he said before strolling up to Ruben and placing both of his hands on his shoulders. The contact was heavy and warm and something about that made Ruben's shoulders itch. Cole's eyes bored into Ruben's and Ruben tried not to think about all the synonyms for blue.

"You're a pharmacologist, right?" Cole said, "And you're good at your job?"

Ruben didn't know whether to scoff or laugh. He ended up doing a combination of both. "Are you serious right now?"

"How would you feel about doing something for me? A favor?"

A "favor"? Oh. So this _was_ personal.

"Now hold on. Are you asking me to whip up MMDA or something like that for you? Because I'm not that kind of pharmacologist. I'm not a chemist for hire."

"No, it's not – I'm not asking – it's…complicated. I just need –" Cole fumbled over his words as his grip tightened. His fingers were digging into Ruben's shoulders and he could feel the doctor's hands trembling through the fabric. "You know what? Never mind. Forget I asked."

Cole's hands dropped to his sides and, for a moment, Ruben kind of wished he could help.

"Yeah, well, consider it forgotten," Ruben said.

Cole ran a shaky hand through his hair. "That was presumptuous of me to ask. To put you in a position like that."

"'Presumptuous' is one way to put it," Ruben said as he rolled his aching shoulders. His skin still itched.

Cole looked at Ruben, hand still in his hair. "How would you put it?"

Ruben shrugged. "Rude," he said.

Cole laughed. "Yeah. That too." He shook his head and put his hands in his pockets. "That too."

A silence settled between them. Dr. Cole appeared to be lost in thought again – he did that a lot it seemed – and Ruben took that moment to look him over. Doctor Jason Cole hadn't been working at Independence Memorial Hospital all that long, but his reputation proceeded him. He was a great neurosurgeon – an _excellent_ neurosurgeon – and had done wonders for IMH's reputation.

He was also moderately attractive.

Not that this was something Ruben had ever gone out of his way to notice; it was simply a fact. Cole wasn't all that terrible to look at, and with that dark hair and those sharp blue eyes, well. It was no wonder that he and that new neurologist on staff had been flirting non-stop for the past few weeks. But that was personal and Ruben didn't know Cole personally and they both had work to do.

"Welp," Ruben said as he pushed himself off his desk, "I should get back to my job. I can get you those results again on your way out if that helps."

Cole unlocked the office door and pulled it open. "Yeah, it does. It really does." He paused before stepping back out into the lab and turned to Ruben. "Oh and Dr. Marcado?" He placed a gentle hand on the back of Ruben's neck and gave him a soft smile. "Thanks."

Ruben looked into those blue eyes and the skin on his neck started itching. "Ruben."

"Hm?" Cole tilted his head to the side a bit. He looked a little like a chocolate lab like that. Ruben had always wanted a pet. Unfortunately, he was allergic to cats and spent too many hours in the lab to be able to care for another living being.

He swallowed and tried to elaborate. "You can, uh, call me Ruben. It's my name and everything after all plus you are, like, way above me and my pay grade. So. Yeah. Yes. Ruben. That's me."

Dr. Cole smiled. The lines around his mouth complimented the sparkle in his eyes. "Then you can call me Jason."

"What?"

"Well," he started with a smirk, "It is my name after all."

Ruben didn't get the chance to respond or protest as Cole turned on his heel and briskly stepped back out into the lab. Ruben shook his head and scratched the back of his neck as he followed.

\---

When Ruben ran into Jason the next morning and the doctor offered him a steaming cup of coffee, he knew that his life was about to get infinitely more complicated.

Ruben was walking across the lobby heading to the lab where he would no doubt spend most of his waking hours today. He was so absorbed in reviewing his schedule for the day that he didn't notice when Jason walked up next to him and fell into step. It wasn't until Jason waved a coffee cup in his field of vision that he had Ruben's rapt attention.

"For me?" Ruben said as he accepted the steaming styrofoam cup.

Jason bowed his head in mock reverence with a genuine smile, "For you."

Ruben tucked his day planner in his bag and gave the cup an experimental swirl. It seemed safe enough. He shot Jason an amused look. "How'd you know I'd be here this morning?"

Shrugging, Jason tugged on the lanyard around his neck that held his id. He fiddled with the plastic edge of the card and matched Ruben's look with a smug look of his own. "I didn't, I was actually headed down to the lab. I assumed you live down there."

"Ha ha very funny." Ruben said with a roll of his eyes, taking a sip of the coffee. As the full-bodied taste rolled over his tongue and down his throat, his heavy eyebrows almost disappeared into his hairline, "This is pretty good."

"You sound surprised."

Ruben downed more of the coffee. "No lie? I kind of thought you were pranking me or hazing me or something." Ruben had experiences with worse before. Residency is brutal for the uninitiated. It was strange for Jason to be so amiable towards him after their less than stellar interaction yesterday. He gave the cup another swirl. "Unless…this is a bribe?"

Either Jason was a great liar, a great actor, or he was legitimately taken aback by the implication. "No, no, no. No ulterior motive. Think of it as thanks for putting up with me yesterday."

Ruben took another sip. "If this is how you repay me for putting up with your shit. I may just put up with you every day."

Jason laughed and warned him that he shouldn't make promises he would live to regret. Ruben countered with a warning about once his loyalty was won, he was a tough guy to get rid of.

\---

Before Jason Cole, Ruben spent most of his lunches alone. He enjoyed the solace afforded to him in his office when he closed the door and shut the blinds. It was like a secret lair or something equally nefarious.

It wasn't that Ruben was a solitary person. He wasn't severely anti-social and managed to stay on cordial terms with most people he talked to at the hospital. He simply wasn't all that close to other people on the staff. He preferred his work over intimate relationships with the people he worked with. Besides, fooling around with coworkers was a one way ticket to disaster, and Ruben happened to thoroughly enjoy his current job.

After Jason entered his lab on that fateful day two weeks ago, however, Ruben had spent more time outside of his lab than usual. He knew the last names of several of the receptionists and superficial life events of various staff members who weren't in his department. He spent a number of his lunches in the cafeteria and had even eaten at one of the eateries just off of hospital grounds with Jason and other coworkers. On the days when he did eat lunch in his lab, Jason would inevitably show up and shoot the shit with him for a few moments before going on his way.

Ruben lived for those moments. He really enjoyed when Jason would seek him out. It was nice to feel wanted, not necessarily by Jason, just in general. Knowing that someone wanted your company enough to come and find you when they had a chance was simply a good feeling. A good feeling that made his skin itch and fingers tingle.

This particular late afternoon found Ruben and Jason eating ramen from the vending machine and talking about nothing all that interesting. Jason had some down time between consultations today and managed to drag Ruben away from his microscope long enough to convince him that he was hungry. Upon seeing Jason with an armful of instant noodles and junk food looking for Ruben, one of the lab techs pointed in his direction with a sly smile and a wink as she told them to enjoy themselves. Ruben wanted to curse her and her meddling because something about the way she looked at the two of them made his face heat up.

"So what's that?" Jason asked, pointing to a rack of test tubes on the cart with his chopsticks.

"You know what those are; cut it out," Ruben said before shoveling noodles in his mouth.

Jason pulled an innocent look, but Ruben had long discovered that the guy was a terrible liar. "What? Who? Me? I'm just trying to get a feel for your office. I don't know what those are. I've never seen them in my life."

He batted his bright eyes at Ruben in mock ignorance and Ruben snorted so hard that noodles almost shot out of his nose. His reaction made Jason laugh so abruptly that he choked on his own food. As Jason coughed and pounded his chest, Ruben teased that that's what Jason deserved for laughing. He ignored the fluttering in his stomach that mimicked the rhythm of Jason's fluttering eyelashes.

"So what have you been up to anyway?" Jason asked casually as he set down the bottle of water that he had downed to save his life.

Ruben stirred the last few noodles floating in the bottom of his cup. "Work mostly."

Jason made a face like an umpire had made a disagreeable call at the World Series. He didn't believe that answer for a second. He never did. Which was ironic because all Jason ever seemed to do himself was work. Diabetes must be tough on a person's social life.

Jason rolled his chair so that it was next to Ruben's. He nudged Ruben in the ribs. "Oh come on, man. You can tell me."

Ruben continued to watch the noodles in his cup. What was he supposed to tell him, that he spent most of his time working and some of his time with his mother and sisters and the remaining time having unsettling, realistic dreams about the two of them? Because that wasn't good dinner conversation. Or lunch conversation. Or whatever.

Jason looped an arm around Ruben's shoulders and that incessant itching started up again. "You got a girl?" Jason said. Ruben shook his head. He liked girls. He liked them about as much as he liked guys, but it was hard to find anyone when you were so focused on your work. Jason shook Ruben around a bit. "You got a guy?"

Ruben's head shot up and he gawked at Jason. How did he know? He hadn't told anyone. Mostly because there was no reason to when you were perpetually single.

Jason laughed, "Relax, I'm joking. Maybe if you got laid, you'd spend less time cooped up here."

"Oh, because your record is so much better than mine," Ruben ground out. He was half joking, but most of his energy was focused on trying not to notice how good Jason smelled.

"Fair point there, Ruben. Fair point." Jason pushed himself off of Ruben and he rolled away a few inches in his chair before stopping in the middle of the office. "Well, I have to get back to the grind. Try not to work yourself to death."

"Yeah," Ruben muttered, barely listening, "Yeah, you too."

Once Jason had cleaned up and left, leaving Ruben all alone in his office once again, Ruben laid his head down on his desk. His skin itched, the smell of scented shampoo was in his nostrils and he wondered how exactly this was all going to play out.

\---

It was seven, the early evening of what looked to be another long night shift, and Ruben was talking to Jason. Ruben was rarely ever not talking to Jason. This particular conversation found them loitering by the vending machine. They were talking about nothing and laughing about everything and Ruben was feeling pretty good about life.

Of course, his elation was probably one hundred percent a result of his lack of sleep. He didn't remember what cup of coffee he was on now, but he hadn't been home in 24 hours and it was honestly a miracle that he was able to stand upright. He was exhausted and his mind wasn't the most reliable right now, but when he was here talking with Jason, the fatigue seemed to ebb.

Jason was eating a bag of M&Ms, on his way out the door and to church. Ruben mused about how there was something nice about meeting another religious person around here. Science had a way of taking the faith out of people, which Ruben found utterly ironic because the number of fields of studies that owed their life to religious scholars was numerous, but he was drifting and had lost his train of thought and what had been so funny again?

Ruben shook his head, clearing the fuzzy edges of sleep from his vision, and moved to take another sip of coffee. He was surprised to find that his cup of coffee had gone missing. Ruben flexed his fingers and stared at his empty hand.

"Wha-?"

"You've reached max caffeine capacity, Ruben." Ruben looked up to see Jason waving around a familiar cup of coffee. "You've been here all day. Literally. Head home already."

Jason had swiped his cup at some point without Ruben even noticing. Maybe he was out of it. He still wanted his coffee back. Ruben protested as he reached out to reobtain his drink, but Jason raised his arm over his head to keep it out of reach. Because God is cruel and puberty gave Ruben the short end of the stick in his teenage years – literally – Jason had enough height on him that he could keep the cup just out of Ruben's range.

Ruben however, was nothing if not determined. The tips of his fingers brushed the cup and he had almost won – won what, he'll never know – but then he realized how close he and Jason were. He realized how the lack of surgeries today meant that Jason still smelled like whatever aftershave he had applied this morning.

Ruben shifted his attention to Jason's face and those blue-grey eyes made his skin itch again. Like they always did. Jason's breath was warm against Ruben's face as he threw playful taunts at him, but Ruben couldn't hear them because he was about to make an awful, terrible mistake right here in the middle of the hospital hallway.

All he had to do was lean forward, lean right into Jason's smiling mouth, and maybe then the itching would stop and the dreams would stop and the pang in his gut would stop. But then Jason's light teasing faded and it was all over before it had a chance to begin.

Jason's smile disappeared and his arm lowered from above his head.

"Uh…Ruben?" His breath was still ghosting over Ruben's face and it suddenly hit Ruben that he was too close and too obvious and a lack of sleep really did impair judgement. Ruben backed up so fast that he almost tripped, slamming into the opposite wall of the alcove that housed the vending machine. He didn't know what to say. He didn't know what to do aside from staring wide-eyed at the friend he had been seriously considering kissing seconds prior.

Jason looked apologetic and that made Ruben feel worse. He would probably run his hand through his hair if his hands weren't full with coffee and candy. Instead, he took a breath and started talking.

"I don't –" Jason fumbled over his words as he tried to turn Ruben down in a way that wouldn't completely shatter him, "It's not that you're not a great guy I just –"

Ruben didn't want to hear this. He had made a mistake and he had work he needed to get back to. There was research to be done and the lab wasn't going to run itself. He tried to meet Jason halfway and help clear all this up so they could skip straight to the "pretending this never happened" part of the aftermath.

"No, yeah, no, I wasn't. I'm not –"

His mouth stopped moving and his brain went blank. Not what, Ruben? Not what?

_hitting on you?_

_trying to kiss you?_

_hoping you rank higher than a zero on the Kinsey scale?_

What way could he possibly finish that sentence and not scare off one of the only friends he had in this whole damn hospital? His mother always did tell him he needed to get out and socialize more. This probably wasn't what she meant, but leave it to Ruben Marcado to develop a crush on the one guy who put up with him outside of what was in his job description.

Ruben didn't get a chance to explain himself or alleviate the awkwardness of the situation. Jason's watch beeped. The sound seemed to shake him out of his reverie and he glanced down to check the time. He then gave a curt nod to Ruben. "I've gotta go," he said before turning to leave.

"Jason, wait –"

Jason turned back around. He took the few steps towards Ruben to close the gap between them and gave him the coffee. The cup was warm. "See you tomorrow, Ruben," he said with a sad smile, "And I'm sorry."

\---

Ruben didn't go to work the next day. Not because he was avoiding Jason, but because he had to take the day off to catch up on sleep while attempting – and failing – to fix his sleeping schedule.

Okay, so the sleep excuse, while valid, wasn't completely the reason why Ruben skipped out on work. The Jason thing definitely factored in there somewhere.

Before Ruben walked through the glass doors of IMH the following morning, he resolved to pretend the night before last didn't happened. Because it shouldn't have happened. So when he passed Jason in the hall, Ruben said hi with a smile and continued on his merry way. When they bumped into each other in the cafeteria, Ruben asked Jason if he caught the game last night. He didn't get a chance too, but that was okay because Ruben didn't either. When Ruben passed off some paperwork to Dr. Jordan and literally ran into Jason, he apologized and cracked a joke.

For all of Ruben's efforts to pretend that nothing strange had happened between them, it seemed to have worked because Jason didn't bring it up when he stopped by the lab that evening. He asked Ruben a question, an asinine question about something that Jason either already knew or could have asked a litany of other people on his way to the lab, and Ruben answered it graciously.

Then they ended up on a tangent and, before he knew it, they had fallen back into step. It wasn't quite the same, but the conversation was still easy and might get better over time. And, honestly, Ruben would take what he could get.

"Hey, Ruben," Jason started as he rolled a trolley laden with blood-filled vials back and forth.

Ruben was eating a candy bar while looking over a patient's profile, his back to Jason. "Yeah?" he said around a mouthful of chocolate and peanuts.

"You know about DID, right?"

"Dissociative Identity Disorder? Yeah, why?"

There was a beat of silence and Ruben wondered if he should turn around and try to get a read on Jason's face. "Okay, you can't freak out, but I have something I want – no, something I _need_ to tell you."

That made Ruben turn around. Jason looked stressed, afraid almost. Ruben was reminded of that fear in his face from the first day they met. "Sure, Jason. That's what friends are for, right? Listening to each other's issues?"

Ruben faltered. Maybe they weren't friends. Not after he had tried to kiss Jason in a hospital hallway. Maybe they hadn't officially made up yet. Maybe they weren't friends before that either. Maybe Ruben was being presumptuous.

"We are friends, right?"

Jason nodded, like he was grateful Ruben was asking or just as confused about their friendship status as he was. "Yeah. Yeah we are."

That was enough for Ruben. Friends looked out for each other. Friends had each other's back. Friends remained your friends ever after you almost kissed them at your place of work.

So, yeah, Ruben would hear Jason out and he would probably help him in any way he can. Because that's what friends did.

And who cared if Jason Cole was making Ruben's life just a little more complicated? The life Ruben had before was boring anyway.


	2. maleficence

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This takes place after the end of episode 10, "Mine". You know, the episode that's a really cute bonding moment between Ruben and Ian and was the ultimate tipping point for me writing gay fic about this ridiculous show?

Sometimes life will throw you a curveball. Other times life will yell "think fast!" and chuck a ball at your head. Or maybe life will fail to give you any heads up whatsoever before catapulting a bowling ball at your face. For Ruben however, life – and bad choices and consequences all rolled up into one – decided to drop a violent alter ego into his mother's living room, forcing them to have dinner together

Spending the night with Ian Price started off awful. Then it got worse. Then it got better and Ruben almost got laid. Then it ended with him and Ian jumping through a window to escape a hail of bullets.

His mother always did tell him he needed to get out and socialize more. He was 100% sure this wasn't quite what she meant.

But sitting at the bar of a greasy diner eating processed cheese and beef with the effects of a drug he created still licking the edges of his brain was a pretty decent way to end an evening. Unprovoked violence and murderous intent aside (but not too far aside), Ian Price sure did know how to party.

Then Ian went and brought the whole mood down by telling Ruben to use the kill drug on Jason.

The weird thing was – the unbelievable thing was – Ruben was thinking about it. He was honest to God thinking about it and that alone would be more terrifying if he wasn't still high and his burger wasn't so damn delicious.

"So, what'll it be? Is that a yes?" Ian asked as he stole a fry off Ruben's plate, "Who am I kidding? You don't really have a choice."

Ruben didn't answer. Staring straight ahead, he slowly chewed his food. Ian posed the question again in that endearing way only Ian could pull off: rude and mean and not at all endearing. Ruben swallowed his food. He still didn't answer.

Irritation was emanating off of Ian in waves and Ruben took another bite of his burger. He knew he was eating up Ian's patience, but the gears in his head were whirring as he methodically chewed his food. This was not an offer that should be taken lightly.

Jason was his friend – is still his friend because he's not dead yet– but killing him would be…unethical at the least. But hell, who was Ruben to worry about ethics anymore? Ever since Jason Cole crashed into his life with Ian Price tethered to him like human shaped baggage, Ruben's moral code had dissolved a little bit more each and every day.

Ruben swallowed. The pink backpack was still full of cash and weighed heavy on his shoulders.

The remnants of his burger were plucked from his hands before he had a chance to take another bite.

"Hey. Listen to me." Ian waved the burger in Ruben's face. "Don't go catatonic on me or tune me out or whatever. I actually have your interests at heart here. Unlike Jason."

Maybe it was the drug or maybe it was the night of bonding or maybe it was the shock of having to make a life or death decision that had very little grey area to find reprieve in, but Ruben wasn't afraid of Ian in that moment. He just wanted his burger back.

"That's mine," leaning over to snatch his food back, Ruben was vaguely aware that he might have been pouting, "Give it back."

Ian smirked and leaned further back, "No, I need an answer. Do we have a deal or what?"

Ruben put his hand on Ian's knee and stretched as far as he could, his delicious trophy just out of reach. "Hand over the burger and then we'll talk."

Instead of a pithy comeback or scathing remark, Ruben was met with silence. He looked at Ian's face, centimeters away from his own. He was staring off into the middle distance, eyes unfocused and unblinking.

"Ian?" Ruben asked.

Ian violently broke out of his trance. Violence seemed to be typical for Ian based on all of Ruben's previous interactions with him. Ian roughly shoved Ruben back into his seat.

"Jesus, what was that for?" Ruben tried to blink the stars out of his eyes.

Placing the burger on the counter, Ian covered half of his face with his hand and stared at Ruben. "Oh, holy shit. He likes you. _Liked_ you?"

Ruben was confused. Shifting his weight in his seat, he eyed the burger that was now sitting on the unsanitary counter surface. So much for that meal.

"Ian, what are you talking about?"

" _Jason_ , Rubes," Ian said with entirely too much enthusiasm, "Jason liked you and I saw the whole damn memory when you touched me."

Ruben froze. He was too high for this. He was too tired and emotionally frayed for this, right here, with Ian. Turning around in his seat, Ruben faced the counter and quietly picked at his cooling fries. Ian gleefully continued talking, amused by whatever mental movie he had just witnessed.

"God, that must be an old one. What was that, 5, 6 years ago?" He rubbed his eye with the heel of his hand. "The coffee and the smell of cheap Chinese food and you," Ian stopped rubbing and Ruben paused mid-reach for another fry. He saw Ian shift in his peripheral vision, but he kept his eyes trained on his plate. "You…you liked him back."

Ruben hoped that if he kept his attention on his food, this whole awful moment would pass by without incident. He didn't know why, because that never happened. Awful moments always dragged on forever. They apparently also resurfaced at the worst possible times, just when you had forgotten about them.

"Oh, how rich. How _tragic_. How _fucking Shakespearean_." Ian was leering at him, Ruben knew it. He could hear it in the man's voice.

This wasn't fair. None of this was fair. Ruben had gotten over his childish crush; he had moved on. He and Jason were friends – _are_ friends, whatever – and all of that was over. It wasn't fair how Ian was throwing this back in Ruben's face. It wasn't fair that Ian was asking Ruben to switch teams in the final inning when the time on the clock was running down to the last seconds. It wasn't fair for Jason to bring Ian into Ruben's life in the first place, to ask for Ruben to do the impossible, to give up more than any one person should give up for another person.

The backpack was heavy, the straps digging into his shoulders, and his skin was itching for the first time in a long time.

"Fuck you."

Ruben didn't know if he meant that for Ian or Jason, but it didn't matter. Maybe it was for the both of them.

Ian, being Ian, took his words in the worst possible way and decided to throw one more wrench into Ruben's already needlessly complicated life.

"You know, you're not really my type, but what the hell? I'm feeling generous tonight."

That got Ruben to look up from his plate. "What?"

Ian didn't elaborate, he simply leaned forward and harshly pressed his mouth against Ruben's.

He didn't taste like anything special, Ian, but he was warm. He was impossibly warm and the itching turned into a heat that simmered beneath Ruben's skin and pooled in his gut. Ruben grabbed the back of Ian's neck and deepened the kiss. There was a hunger in the way Ian kissed, in the desperate way his tongue explored Ruben's mouth and the feral way his teeth pulled at Ruben's bottom lip.

When they pulled away, Ruben was trying to catch his breath and his brain went into overdrive. He had just made out with his best friend. Or at least his best friend's body while it was being occupied by someone else's consciousness. He looked into Ian's – Jason's – face with wide eyes. He wiped his mouth with the back of his hand.

"Oh God," he heard himself say before getting up from the bar and dashing out the door.

He heard Ian call after him, but he didn't slow down until he was out on the street in the warm air in an unfamiliar part of town. That's right. He didn't know how to get home. He had let an overly aggressive, violent human anomaly drive him to an abandoned warehouse miles from home and was now stranded with no way back.

"You really didn't think that through, did you, Ruben?"

Ruben shivered, partially out of fear and partially out of something he didn't really want to think about right now.

"Take me home."

"Only if you promise you're going to help me with my Jason problem."

Ruben was tired. He needed time to think about this. He needed time to think about everything. "Take me home. _Now_."

His demand was met with a pair of warm arms wrapped around his waist and a wet mouth on his neck. Ruben hated how his knees immediately buckled. He wanted to repeat his request for this night to end, but his breath stuttered out in a moan instead of a believable sentence.

Ian chuckled into Ruben's skin and stopped sucking shapes across it long enough to speak. "Oh come on, Ru, that's not an answer. You're going to have to try harder than that." Ian's hands slid down Ruben's sides and rested on his hips, one of his thumbs hooked into the waistband of Ruben's jeans. He placed another kiss on the spot where Ruben's shoulder met his neck and Ruben hated that he shuddered at the contact. "I'll make it worth your while. Promise. Didn't I already tell you I would stay out of your life after all of this blows over?"

Ruben closed his eyes and tried to take even breaths. Ian's heat was stifling. "F-fine," he said with a shaky voice. "Fine."

Ruben felt himself being spun around and came face to face with a beaming Ian. It was off-putting how much that smile made him look like Jason.

"Great," Ian said before kissing Ruben full on the mouth again.

When they pulled away, Ruben took a moment to try and process what this all meant for him, his family, and all of their safety. He tried to understand what this meant for his future. His desires.

Looking at the man standing before him, Ruben wasn't sure whether he wanted him because he looked like Jason or because he wasn't actually Jason at all. Ruben didn't want to think about the possibility that part of the thrill and hunger of this moment was that this was Ian. That was a terrifying thought that didn't need to be entertained.

"Your place or mine?" Ruben asked.

Ian smiled that evil, leering smile of his and Ruben was glad that it was such an un-Jason-like face because that made it easier to pretend this wasn't weird and disturbing and terrifying.

Ian won't push Ruben away after an almost kiss and tell him he's sorry. Ian will suck dark bruises along his jawline. Ian will drape him in human warmth and attention. Ian won't tell Ruben that he loves him, but that was okay because that wasn't what Ruben wanted anyway.

He wanted his life to go back to normal.

But Ruben knew he was never going to get that. He knew too much and had seen too much and had lied too much to reclaim normality. So he was going to take this complicated night at face value and worry about solving equations in the morning.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ok that's it i'm done thanks for reading


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